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Saturday, July 23, 2016

It's Starting to Pay Off

I just walked into my bedroom and I got a rush of...tranquility.  I just immediately felt calm, joyous, and at peace.  How is that possible?  My bedroom has always been nice.  It was the one room that I did buy all new furniture for when I moved in.  It's small and has a bathroom, but it is the perfect size for me and has an excellent wall for my flat screen tv. Today, I washed my sheets and even washed the mattress cover.  I have decluttered the closet, purged the drawers, and removed a lot of the visible books and things.  Wow, I'm just amazed.  All of this "Marie Kondo" decluttering is working. I'm feeling those sparks of joy.

It's right in the nick of time.  Today, I was in my garage and I felt despair.  I was hearing something move as I stood there ruminating without shoes on. I visualizes being attacked by a rapid chipmunk or something.  There is so much in my house that I cannot do physically.  I can't move that ugly heavy, broken, green metal desk that my brother "gave me" the first month I had my house. Actually, the two of us together couldn't get the darn thing out.  I was going through boxes and starting to put some art supplies in the newly emptied shelves in my office. The truth is: I still have too much. I guess I just felt powerless and overwhelmed. I am not patient when I am this motivated. I am determined to do this and I still feel like everyone is trying to stop me.
This morning, I turned off my air conditioning and put on my bathing suit. I put some of my house plants outside. I opened all of my windows to clean the sills. It was probably the hottest day of the year.  The house went from 68 degrees to 84 degrees in an hour.  I really don't think I've ever cleaned some of those window sills because I never open those windows.  I was doing laundry downstairs and ended up setting up a sorting table in my office. Starting my mom came over.  This is very ironic because she hardly ever drops by and she is always hot. I guess she came over to see why my windows were open.  Anyway, I had a bunch of silverware that she gave me in a sell pile.  I have never used this silverware and actually got matching silverware from my family one year. I went through my drawer and got rid of almost all except my set and some odds and ends. Of course, my mom is terrified that I am going to throw out this precious, but discarded silverware. She starts digging through it and tells me that she WAS GOING TO BUY SOME.  Are you kidding me?  She has giving me so much random junk and then she buys new stuff for herself.  I gave her a bag to load up on this junk. Then, she makes sure that I am going to try to sell the remaining 20 or so pieces at the upcoming 'garage sell." I then ask if I can at least throw away these 40 year old fondue forks that are ugly and old looking. "No, someone may want them." I guess it is too sad to admit that no one (except other hoarders) will want your worthless crap.  I guess that is how I feel about my art supplies.
What irritates me the most though is that I stored this huge box of silverware under my hanging shoe organized in a bedroom closet for what? Eight or nine years?  Why?  Some of it was gold, other silver ware is silver plated (see next post!), and the rest just mismatched random silverware.  Forks with messed up tines, dull steak knifes, and bent spoons.  I looked at that box for years and just left it there.  Yet, when I finally decided to get rid of it, it is such an ordeal. So say, someone buys this crappy silverware for $2, great.  However, I will probably end up boxing it up for Good Will. The garbage sale is next week. So I have to wait ANOTHER week to get rid of it. Probably, I have to box it up and then wait longer to actually take it to the Good Will. The thing is, I want it gone now.  Eight years was long enough.

As I was feeling this dark depth of blah, it got dark and started to rain. I love rain. I went on my desk and got drenched. I was in an apron and a bathing suit so it didn't really matter.  I came inside and watched for a while out the windows. Then, after the rain started going sideways, I did shut the windows. The heat was unreal and I felt alive again. I just went back to work and now feel great again. I will get it done. I am getting it done!